Testing the Waters

by My Parents Favorite Music

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about

This is the first in a series of six "Master Pieces", detailing a vast, color map of a fictional land.

credits

released June 23, 2009

MPFM, Doctor Popular, Baddd Spellah, mc chris, MC Lars, MC Router.

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about

My Parents Favorite Music Michigan

Steffeny "Steffo" Messinger refers to her pseudonym/moniker "My Parents Favorite Music" as the video game/pop culture influenced music she writes and produces independently.

Releasing albums as pieces of the map to a mysterious island, she tours the country bringing clever wordplay and a colorful presence to her musical adventure, and every listener is welcome to be a part of the MPFM story. ♫ ♪
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Track Name: Call it a Comeback
I ducked under the white block for 3 years
With people telling me I didn’t need to be here
They say music’s changed, people don’t wanna hear
Songs about video games well I'm gonna
Change that, time to come out of the cave
Step up to the plate, live up to the name
At dawn the lines are drawn, we're taking what’s ours…

Hello my name’s Steffo, nice to meet you nice to see you
Here’s my story I make music, and it sucks but I still do it
People ask me why I bothered, said my stuff just sounded awkward
So I disappeared forever, never saw me then it happened so I
Practiced, honed my skills, and now I’m back
Dropping everything I’ve got at the drop of a hat
Not stoppin’ a rap ‘till I run outta breathe
Or I touch death, but I’ve still got five guys left

Big bucks, big bucks, no whammys, stop the madness drop the panties
Drop the bombs Dodongo style, blow the wall up, crack a tile
Picto-chatting while I rap, you ask me where, I draw a map
And if you end up getting lost, just listen for the sound of awesome(yep)
Open up your Game Boys, get your DS
Hold ‘em up like torches, and pound your chest
We’ll get the silver surfboard and the A-Team van
Do a Michael J. Fox Teen Wolf handstand

Like Jean Grey comin’ back from the grave
Blown away at the fact that I won’t decay
It’s been a long time and I’m ready to come back
The same guy, different day, been there, done that
So turn on your Caps Lock, yell to your heart’s content
Make your words fly like Clark Kent
It’s celebratory music
Like you just found an item and used it
Like you looked at every challenge in the world at once
And just said screw it!
Track Name: All Your Basement
Crazy Japanese ass kick-tastic
Music rocking faces with my
Music rocking ladies with my
Blatent lack of talent
Give your ears a music seizure
THX-1138 theatre
Side effects may include loving your favorite
Band just a little bit less though…

Go to Burger King in a Spider-Man costume
Chillin’ in the Playplace, hidin’ in the ballroom
Cuter than a puppy riding on a Pokémon
Playin’ my ditties when you get your game on
Nothing comes close, not before or after
Impossible that I’d get much faster
All of your basement are belong to us
Just take it like a man sir.

Paper, scissors, rock you
Like a candy cane otaku
Make a joke you laugh your arse off
Break it down and dance like Karnov
Action Jackson doing what he has to
Never been a has-been always been a bad dude
Punch the monkey, win an iPod
Threw in a ninja, just for kicks

Go to Micky D’s to get a Quarter Pounder
Fatty in the line no way to get around her
Take it as it is, or take it as it would be
A futuristic vision dishin’ out another goodie
Let’s take a look-see you’ll never understand us
Jackie Chan’d us in the gut with your sandals
The jerk store called, they’re runnin’ out of you
But me, they’ve got free samples.

More bad ass (more bad ass)
Than Bob Ross (than Bob Ross)
Playin’ Okami (Playin’ Okami)
With the lights off (with the lights off)
I’ve got a broadsword (I’ve got a broadsword)
And I’m ready to pounce (and I’m ready to pounce)
‘Cause all your basement (all your basement)
Are mine now (are mine now!)
Track Name: YBOX (f. MC Router)
Why do you say a female can’t rap?
No, wait, you’re not about to start to rhyme that
The power of 7-Up Plus compels you
Tells you to get the hell out of the men’s room
Look, we’ve been through heaven and hell and boss battles
Played Circus Atari and wore down the paddles
Wore down the amp, snap pop and crackle
Grabbed the side, stage dived, and got tackled
Now I’m not about to be overstaged
By an estrogen rebellion with hot pink grenades
With a pink lemonade and a pink flashlight
That you made with a Doom 3 mod last night
Look, girls don’t rap over game music
“You just don’t do it” See? You just don’t do it
Tryin’ for 8, but all you got was two bit
Just stick to rhythms with kittens and tulips

So sorry princess but your gonna have to go to another castle
And I don’t have the time to hassle with a battle
And I’ll bet that you wanna get your rap on
But I know that you don’t have another tampon
It must be that time of the month ‘cause all I’m hearin’ is
Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch

Your Bath & Body lady-lotion’s gunkin’ up the buttons
So go play Spyro the Dragon or somethin’
“She’s just a girl, it’s just not fair”
But when you get one of MPFM, you can’t compare
You might be Nerdcore, but you can’t go up against
The likes of MPFM, we are the best
I’ll trash you, smash you, DDR dance you
Track & Meet run past you, but not because I have to
+20 Double-handed axe moves
Gonna fight, jump, kick, spin-attack moves
With a Y chromosome you lack moves
For example, stand up while you’re going to the bathroom
Girls don’t rap over game music
“You just don’t do it” See? You just don’t do it
You think you’re well-suited for the occasion
Without bruises or abrasions, now prove it I’m waitin’!

Yeah, Fuck you. Heh heh you wanna do this? Alright here we go.

Oh, so you think you wanna battle me holmes?
I come from the double X chromosomes
You can’t beat the best
The emcee with the set of breasts
C’mon silly boy, I’m sittin’ at my desk
This chick will pass your test

What the fuck you better duck
Add some points to your luck
I don’t see you levelin’
Just fucking meddlin’
Waitin’ for your clan
And here they come peddlin’
That’s what you call a man?
Need your buddies on hand
‘Cause you cant fuckin’ handle it
My spitting skills are excellent
With all my points up in one spot
I’m still excelling it
My spits are too hott
So go on take a shot
I’ll knock you to the sky, boy you’ll never be as high
Mother shoulda named me melee, attacking your shit daily
Try me, a lady I just might be
But my rapping skills are mighty
Just ask fuckin’ YT (yodel at me dawg)
He’s got nerd love with this DG (Oh shit, I’m leveling!)

But Router that’s me, can’t stop this mc
A lady with a V-A-G-I-N-A
Come’re little man, I’ll show you how to play
This lady can out-rap you any fucking day
And yes, I pack the sword that stacks
Numbers don’t go as high as my stats
So go on, relax, ‘cause a girl just won
Get in the kitchen, and cook me up somethin’
We can get to humpin’, that Power Glove is bumpin’
A new breed, when I bleed, now this shit is jumpin’
Gotta pop my lock, tougher than you thought
But boys got the cocks, and that shit, it fuckin’ rocks
And my girl part is hidden, just call it XBOX
I ain’t got a joystick, but you bet I have Wii
You say I cant rap ‘cause im a lady emcee? Nerd please.
Track Name: Blue Light Special
YES! I get a new Mega Man suit
With souped up lights and a Frisbee to boot
And they’ve got what? An electric cattle prod bring it on
Me and Tron can see ‘em comin’ (runnin’) with the lights on
Fight’s on unidentified flying diskette
It’s an identity disk, take THAT ya chess set
Best that, you stay away, from me and my bike
Shooting laser walls from the tailpipe
But really, who do you calculate you are anyway?
You want games? Fine! Alright! I’ll give you games
I’ve got group 7 access
Plain and simple, you need a little help
You haven’t built a circuit that can hold me
Me? I can merge with a memory bit
A master computer can’t handle a user
So please send out every tank in the grid

It’s the team you didn’t expect
With the Blue Light Special M-P-F-M and Tron
Rock another level of digital badass with the Blue Light Special
BOOM Luminaire two in the air
Blue Light Special-attack it’s a killer app
Harder than the hardest of metals…it’s a Blue Light Special

I don’t have an army but I really don’t need one
Since this is my work it just feels like a rerun
Rerun, reboot, refile, we’ll get the source code
Audio blaring binary Morse code
Throw out an explosive warning, storming the gates
You made a mistake, you sealed your fate
Take it or leave it, I suggest you get a pop-up blocker
If you don’t, I suggest you get a very good doctor
I’ve got a list of commands that will TAB your FUNCTION
SHIFT your CTRL, short circuit a munchkin
I’m a walking glowstick and I’m takin’ a trip
To kick digital ass, take names, and rock a bit
My motherboard’s cooled by alcohol content
Screaming obscene illegitimate nonsense
Just do me a favor here
It’s an eleven step pier with a twelve step process

A jukebox hero, a pinball wizard
Concieved what they believed to be a winner
Taken to the game arena
With an orange and a bottle of Aqua-fina
I just need to get this disk where it needs to be
And I don’t remember this part of Kingdom Hearts
And I only played a little bit of 2.0
So I never got past the start
If it’s a game then play, pull the pin out like so
It might glow, it might be a little bright though
Pixelated explosions motion
Generated no waitin’ lasers to the face
To the feet to the part of your brain that’s important
The virtual cortex portion
No matter how good you play
You were made that way
I’m flesh and bone for the win
Track Name: Robit
Turn on the ‘on’ switch, I’m missing a few pieces
It doesn’t look like the box, but it’s decent
Do I need this? It says it’s important so I’ll keep it
The instructions aren’t though, so I won’t read it
Pro-tip: Let your Robit charge for an hour
That way you get the recommended full power
Aww screw it 3½ percent should suffice
Now let’s get drunk and start a fight
Gonna win that Robit contest
Gonna outwit all the other nonsense
Gonna get more photos than Loch Ness
(8x10 glossys will be sold at the door)
My Robit takes the cake and eats it
It’s got an outfit for every season
It killed a bug one time you should’ve seen it

Wait! What do you have? I bet it’s not a
Robit (robot) Robit (robot)
That crater right there your house? Don’t put it there.
Robit (robot) Robit (robot)
You’ve got an iPod, laptop, GPS
RSS technology, friend requests
But we’ve got a giant frikkin’
Robit (robot) Robit (porcupine)

[sentence item: ’porcupine’ does not compute sir]
Yeah, we’ve got one of those too, but it doesn’t
really help us in the way that we’d like.
[rock this out sir]… [I love you]

What can your Robit do that mine can’t?
Time lapse. I went back in time to rhyme that
Deadly and bitchin’ is what comes to mind
But hey guess what? One of a kind!
A katamari made of 48 Furbys and FX lightsabers
Duct-taped to an old boat with lasers
Fueled by Yager, spittin’ out Bagel Bites
With camouflage glued to dynamite!
And T-Rex heads with missle teeth
A squirrel with a sonic screech
Hungry-Hungry Hippo feet
Rollover minutes and the texts are free on the weekends
You say “Death Machine” like it’s a bad thing
Quit runnin, you’re interrupting my rap thing
Turn on the NES controller boombox
Blaring the M*A*S*H theme!

It’s time to hitch, pull the switch
Fool my Robit to thinkin’ I’m legit
If I had a Robit, I’d give myself a Chobit
With upgradable triple robo-tits
And a downgraded memory to an 8-bit
Nobody wants a Robit smart enough to bitch
With a Robit all holes are custom fit
A universal adaptor to work with my joystick!
Like eight Hadoukens and a cake
A Pop-o-matic Trouble hooked up to a rake
A hologram of Jack Bauer that’ll do your taxes
Sam L. Jackson (Sam Jackson?) yeah Sam L. Jackson
A statue of your mom about to spank you on tank treads
Missles of old people high on pain meds
Screw the Oreck 8-pound, it’s weightless
2099 easy payments (wait 2099 easy paments?)
Yeah, 2099 easy payments!
Track Name: BHG Hate Song (short)
No I’m not the guy from the Bloodhound Gang
No I’m not the guy from the Bloodhound Gang
No I’m not the guy from the Bloodhound Gang
No I’m not the guy from the Bloodhound Gang

What? No I’m not the guy from the Bloodhound Gang
You’re so far into fame, you’ll never be the same
Spent four years waiting for the album to be released
Got ten tracks of nothing, and that’s to say the least
You spend all your time in Europe playing sold out shows
While your roots are left forgotten, leaving fans to go their own way
I’m asleep at the wheel with a delusion of the past
No way to make up for this break up, I’m a fan that couldn’t last

What? No I’m not the guy from the Bloodhound Gang
I wouldn’t be caught dead with that name
You guys were great, what happened?
Washed up talent, now the magic’s gone away
I’m telling you this ‘cause I liked your songs
I thought the best, but I was wrong
You’re not the same, it’s just a shame, that’s all…
Track Name: Chance of Showers (f. MC Lars)
It all started with a brand new Atari that he bought
For his son’s 3rd birthday, he thought he’d give it to him
One day early the little guy loved it
Even though he didn’t understand much of it
He was too young to comprehend functions & lights
So his dad pushed buttons all night
Some of the best times he had just watching
A dim light sat by the side of his dad
Time went by, the kid grew up
The man grew old grew accustomed to things being
Rough without his son all he could do is reminisce
About a time once lost now gone amiss
His friends don’t want to play kids games, they want to play
Bridge, the old man needs to act his age
But he doesn’t care his heart’s in the right place
He took a rain check on now for yesterday

All of your thoughts, all of your memories
People you loved become sworn enemies
Just one look in the mirror…
And you look right back in tears…
You need to take the outcome, accept the consequence
Make a decision, leave the rest of ‘em on the fence
Leave your umbrella, let the storm come
There’s a chance (you have doubts and you’re second-guessing)
There’s a chance (saying and doing are two different things)
There’s a chance (it won’t disappear overnight)
There’s a chance (you just get lost in thought)
There’s a chance (comin’ at you if you’re ready or not)
There’s a chance (you can’t save the whole world at once)
There’s a chance (it’s not dyin’ if you keep on tryin’)

Her older brother came and went…
It didn’t seem like much to him…
But to a 4-year-old it can seem like a lifetime
He would go away for a day just to find her crying
She would watch him play video games
He said “you’re too young”, she watched anyway
So he gave her a handheld, she took it everywhere
Took baths with it, it was her teddy bear
So when he left that night, he didn’t have the heart to tell her
He had to go so her life could be a lot better
She never saw him since and felt strange
Kept to herself, stuck in the game
She didn’t want to figure it out because she wouldn’t have a
Reason for her brother to come back and see ‘em
So she’s been on the same level for years
Even though she’s beat the game, she still saves here

Bill Johnson was a 3rd grade music fan from Alabama
And when he rocked the gui-tar he was one bad mamma-jama
Every time he played the six string kids would say “Bill you’re amazing!”
‘Till one day he bought a Wii and plugged into that benign play thing
Guitar hero his brand new addiction, played all day no parental restriction
Levels beaten, throwing conniptions and when he missed a note obsession, affliction
Moved on to Rock Band and played some more, never really left the living room floor
Rockin’ out all day made his fingers sore, played and he played ‘till he turned 24
The punk band he’d formed with friends had shown the local scene some promise
But when Bill stopped showing up for practice their fans doubted like St. Thomas
Bill said he’d learned the new scales and chords, but proved dishonest
His friends warned that they’d kick him out, but Bill blocked out what they admonished
Now Bill’s 49 with a 9 to 5, gaming on the weekends to feel alive
And the music talent that he once displayed, has faded with the decades and skill betrayed
Upstairs in his closet you’ll see a Fender, covered in cobwebs ‘cause no one remembers
The rock star dreams that died with the light of the flash of the Wii on those warm southern nights
Track Name: Find the Top
Back then it was just an idea that I'd had
That I'd make something closely resembling a pad
Get a list of everything I need and go to Home Depot©
Even though the checkout girl called me nuts, what does she the know?
I've got an El Camino full of Snifits...
Do you think good help comes cheap these days?
They work for frog coins, don't go to the bathroom
And it's fun seein' if I can throw a Skittle in their face
Oh yeah, put seventeen floors on the ceiling
If you're as committed as I am, than it’s the right thing to do
Nobody questions a madman in his own commode
I've got illusions of grandeur and I'm seein' it through
SO keep your shoes on your feet, put your feet on the table...
The trick is findin' the table
The Winchester Mansion's got nothin' on this place
We've got a Wendy's, Racquetball, and cable.

“If you can find the top”, that's what I tell 'em
They all think I'm insane in the cerebellum
Well, how many people have made it to the top?
If you can find it, tell me when you find it
People cliff dive, watch Desperate Housewives, smoke crack
But my tower's what the people point the finger at
If you find a tower taller than the Himalayas
Let me know if you can find it, tell me when you find it

There's an old wise tale people seem to go by
People love this story, I don't know why
But it goes apparently I needed a wife, I guess I was lonely
Grabbed the first one I saw, not my type this one's just boney
But I didn't care I took her and bolted
At that point her friends revolted
A group of Geraldo, a turtle, Stay Puft and Pinocchio
Went through my tower like Rush Hour 2 in Tokyo
These idiots kicked the crap out of my receptionist
Decided to steal my chain chomp for the hell of it
They get to the top, and kick my ass?
But do you think that I'd really allow that?
No! What really happened is the chumps made it only to the third floor
No bark, no bite, no war
They made it into a game about some giant sword
Taking over the blah blah blah yeah whatever it's misleading

If you can make it to the top
We'll rock this out
If you can make it to the top
We'll scare the crowd
If you can make it to the top
We'll mop the floor with 'em
If you can make it to the top
We'll call some more of ‘em, they don't stand a chance, c’mon!
Track Name: When Animals Cross (short)
Life in a new town living with dumb animals
Raccoons aren’t cities, and turtles aren’t radical
I’ve got the essentials; radio, orange crate
Found a leaf on the ground and POOF it turned into
An audience, bar, with a mic & amp
Killer light show, front row, and a bike ramp
Then I realize I’m dreaming so I wake up
And do more jobs for the mob, Mr. Tom Nook
You animals are giving me a handful of crap to
Pass back and forth their neighbors they don’t chat to
Even though they stand together like they have to
This whole town’s gone SNAFU
You’re all like senior citizens with dementia
I know, I watch. Then I take a shovel to a rock
It’s an endless cycle I suppose
I could turn the clock back ten days, then stop!
Track Name: What If
You’ve got that sense of entitlement in the sense that
I’m fightin’ it, I’ve got a short fuse and you’re lightin’ it
Ignitin’ it’s gonna make us play stronger and harder
Throw the controller at your face and your face even farther
‘Cause we go to E3, we watch G4
We’ve got a 9 to 5 that we’d probly ignore
But if it wasn’t for people like you then we’d probly get bored
You say you make a lot of fun of us, well WE MAKE MORE!
‘Cause we don’t mind bein’ called freaks, nerds, dweebs
Pushin’ the start button down is like rolling up our sleeves
So what if we lose just a couple hit points
Just pushing right through all your negative noise
Don’t mean to rain on your parade or anything don’t get me wrong
But your not gonna last that long
Let me put it this way, you’ll be a planet
We’ll be Galactus, we’re not gonna have it!

So what if we like to do what we do?
It’s not like we’re gonna stop anytime soon
Pushin’ buttons is fun you should try it sometime
You know doin’ what you like’s not considered a crime
So what if we like to do what you won’t?
Hell, we’re damned if we do and we’re damned if we don’t
We’re callin’ you out, we’ve got nothing to lose
So what if we like to, what if we like to!

It’s not addiction, I’m more of a hobbyist
A second-rate video game rap lobbyist
I don’t care, I throw caution to the wind
Even if I end up in the bargain bin
It’s a system requirement to help me rock this hard
And I know you don’t care keep your hands where they are
With a Master Sword and a Screw Attack
And a Golden Gun you’ll get lost like Jack
Oh hey! Was that you?
I think you were missing just a couple of guys there
Was your controller unplugged or something?
Mashin’ buttons? See if I care!
Look it happens to the best of us when you met us
You told us you’re the best of the best, you shouldn’t test us
A ton of grown men cry, I don’t understand why
You thought you’d make it against us

Blue key smhlue key I just need a new key
To open up the door before somebody shoots me
Oh god he’s got an uzi, tell me if I am losing
Stupid XBOX Live yeah well you’re mom’s a floozy!

I hooked a clapper to a zapper anybody playin’ tapper’s
Gonna laugh or die cryin’ when I’m tryin’ to be a rapper
Thinkin’ “there’s a happy camper” let the situation damper
So I rap a little faster (faster?) faster (no!) faster
All you’re doin’s gettin’ madder when I’m takin’ out the hammer
Like it’s really gonna matter when I’m climbin’ up the ladder
But it’s just a proven factor that you’re not a good attacker
In the matter of of the chatter gonna scatter for the master!
Track Name: Just a Game
One of a million, shouldn’t I be proud?
Like I’m part of the group instead of weighing it down?
Just take a number, get in line
Just look at myself playing games and then I die
In my head I tell myself that I shouldn’t regret this
Tell myself that I’m strong and for a long time I meant it
Even if I met this head on it’s endless
Senseless, it’s like a never-ending Tetris
When I get stressed, in the middle of things
Fiddle with things, blow up at the littlest things
It has nothing to do with video games
If anything it helps me get over things
So just quit I’m sick with the disrespect
Strip me down ‘till there’s nothing left go ahead
Cause I’m sick of this, I’m tired of that
I wanna push buttons I like the fact that

It’s just a phase it’s just a name
It’s just a maze from a stupid game
It’s just a story, it’s just an escape
And they’ve grown up, we should do the same
It’s just a waste, it’s just a dream
It’s just a made up fantasy
It’s just a grand illusion
It’ll fade…It’s just a game

(How do you sleep at night?)(Why do you need a fight?) It’s just a game
(Why do you justify?)(What’s your alibi?) It’s just a game
(How do you manage?)(What’s your damage??) It’s just a game
(Let me make this clear)(It ends here) You’re just a game

Now I shouldn’t feel guilty for trying to be happy
Trying to be creative, trying to be loud
Now face the wrath of my passion
Counteracting with just a sound
Now just ‘cause my spirits are going up
Doesn’t give you the right to make me as bitter as you
You people are too selfish for words but…
…but I’ll try a few.

‘Cause it’s not a phase, it’s not a name
It’s not a maze from a stupid game
It’s not a story, and it’s not an escape
You’re not the first, you’re just the same
It’s not a waste, it’s not a dream
Now listen very carefully
It’s done, it stops, you’re through
I’m here to stay, it’s not a game!

‘Cause it was magic when I saw the Commodore 64
And Zak McKracken blew my mind and mind you I was just four
And these are memories that make me who I am…
Cause I’ve got hope and love, and friends and family at the finish
And I realized the problem wasn’t me to begin with
So you could just try to flaw my existence…